Just Move

Since I remember I heard 'don't cry for no reason', 'you don't need to be sad', 'there is nothing to worry about', 'you shouldn't be angry'. But the thing is I always had the reason when I have been sad, angry or anxious. But the thing is that nobody was able to understand that. Basically, we all have a different picture of reality. Basically, my problems could not be understood by someone else.
How often we hear we shouldn't think negatively? Especially about ourselves. Easy to say, not really easy to do.

Smart people tried to understand and explain feelings and emotions since civilization began. Ancient philosophers, medieval alchemists, priests, medics, psychologists, even physicists, all of them were looking for answers. Why do we feel what we feel? Why do different people feel differently in the same situation?

In the 1960s Dr Paul Ekman described six basic emotions. His studies were focused on body language, and he observed patterns in the physical expression of the body when people experienced emotions. After a while, by the way, he became a specialist in ... deception. He even developed training for people who need to know who is lying who is not...

But for me more important is the fact, that he clearly described the difference between emotions and feelings. His way of thinking was absorbed by many. Now nobody questions the fact that before you feel, you need to experience the emotion.

So what the difference?

The emotion is a reaction to stimuli from the environment. Before you feel angry, you need to get angry. Sort of hormones need to be produced, your heart rate needs to increase, etc. Then you feel anger. Similar to sadness, joy, love, the pattern is the same: trigger-emotion-feeling. Knowing the difference helps manage emotions and feelings. It is easier to accept what you feel.

Be good, positive, optimistic, strive for success, be spiritually enlightened, eat a healthy diet. Be yourself. Love everyone. Free yourself from doubts. Fall in love with the man or woman of your dreams. Be happy. The trend of perfect life makes us more anxious, depressed and giving us a sense of failure. The constant striving for excellence is exhausting, what's more – the standards are still rising, and we, again and again, feel 'not enough'. We are not made to be positive 24/7. It's too much work for us. Most of us get lost in our thoughts and 'push' ourselves through life, and we just stay busy and numb. Striving for happiness literally makes us unhappy. It is essential to make room for darkness as well. Accept it.

We need to accept negative emotions. They exist, they are real, they are part of our life. I truly believe that we need them to evolve as human beings and really don't like the current trend to repress and negate 'negative' emotions. Instead of that, we should focus on developing skills which will help to manage them. We should be taught how to cope with anxiety, sadness, anger, humiliation, etc.

Anxiety occurs when we focus on the future. I like the metaphor 'we making movies'. This can cause fear of the unknown, sense of foreboding. It creates an overwhelming state of worry and pensiveness, and if it lasts for a longer period, it can cause illness and disease. We feel sad when our attention is focused on the past. There are hundreds of reasons which can lead us to sadness, and – when prolonged – depression (however, there are some thoughts that depression has different roots).

'For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind', said Ralph Waldo Emerson. You can easily say you are getting angry – you feel your heart pumping, you sense your blood in wains... you know you can move mountains. And instead of express what you feel, you say: 'oh this is okay'? Your stomach is tight, your fists are clenched... This energy should be released and it can be done easily. 

Of course, I do not say you have to throw things into the person you angry with. There are many better ways to set off 'this' energy – and it doesn't really matter it is energy from 'positive' emotions or 'negative' ones. If you keep 'butterflies in your stomach' for too long, you can get sick too.

To release tension is good to move, basically. Any physical activity, even a simple walk can help. Biking, swimming, jogging, workout, yoga, dance, you name it. You can choose whatever you like and whatever you feel – but move your body! Boxing a bean bag will be good for anger, jogging for anxiety. When you feel sadness you can swim. When you feel joyousness you can dance. When you feel love... ok, I think this one I leave for separate blog-post.