When we talk about emotions and feelings, we often take these two words as synonyms. Emotions, however, are not the same as feelings. I wrote about it in the blog post: Just Move.
To make it easier, let me remind you: emotions are the body's reactions to external stimuli and feelings are caused by emotions. Let me also remind you that I am per contra of rejecting negative emotions. All emotions are physiological and not admitting to them is - my personal opinion - like denying that we are breathing. But just like breath can be regulated to some degree, we can also control our emotions. And I don't mean we shouldn't or should react when our blood is boiling, I mean: don't let that blood boil.
The emotions we experience are determined by external factors: events, situations, the behaviour of others. However, if we carefully analyse how emotions occur, we discover that there is another step between the external stimulus and emotion. What really makes us feel and react in one way or another is due not so much to the situation we are in, as to the way we perceive the situation, as to the way we think about the situation.
Thoughts and ideas run through our minds all day. The average person has about 50000 to 70000 thoughts per day. We are often not aware that we are thinking. We are not aware of it because most of the thoughts are automatic. However, automatic thoughts play an important role in shaping our emotional state.
There are three types of
automatic thoughts:
- neutral ("I need to buy milk");
- positive ("I did it right");
- negative ("I'll never learn").
The human mind needs to process hundreds of information every day. So far, no one has managed to create a computer more powerful than the human brain. However, this work of natural art also has its limitations. To prevent our processor from overheating, Nature has equipped our minds with filters. On their basis (sometimes consciously, more often unconsciously) we judge what is good for us and what is not, we choose how to behave in one situation or another and - of course - what thoughts come to our mind, what kind of conversations we have with ourselves. Filters, for example, are our beliefs and values, and a whole range of cognitive biases. Today let me introduce you to Cognitive Distortions.
We are all sensitive to the so-called cognitive distortions. They are irrational thoughts, one-sided and biased ways of thinking about ourselves and the world around us. Being aware of them can help change our thinking to be more objective.
According to Dr David Burns, author of The Feeling Good Handbook, everyone should know about at least ten types of cognitive distortions.
All-or-nothing thinking
we look at things in absolute black and white terms, this distortion causes us to think that anything that is not perfect is a failure.
Over-generalization
we see the negative event as a never-ending pattern of failure and interpret reality based on one event.
Mental filter
we focus on a single aspect (often negative) and consider it to the point where all other aspects (even positive) are excluded.
Ignoring the positives
we reject positive experiences and insist that they are irrelevant and consequently remain convinced that everything we experience is negative (even though our daily experiences contradict it).
Jump to conclusions
"mind-reading" - we assume that people react negatively to us when there is no clear evidence of it;
"fortune telling" - we unquestionably predict things will go wrong and without a thoughtful analysis of the situation, we know what will happen.
Magnification or minimization
we magnify or minimize the significance of an event (situation, behaviour etc.), therefore, we may be convinced that our achievements are meaningless, or that the mistakes we make are especially harmful.
Emotional reasoning
we assume our negative emotions reflect what reality is, we judge situations based on how we feel, for example, "I feel like an idiot so I really have to be one".
"Shoulds"
we think things should go a certain way ("because it should be like that", "it must be like that"), we criticize ourselves or other people in terms of "should" or "shouldn't".
Labelling
we identify with our shortcomings and instead of saying "I made a mistake", we say to ourselves: "I'm a fool" or "I'm a loser".
Personalization
we blame ourselves for events beyond our control, for something we are not responsible for or blame other people and ignore that our attitude or behaviour may have contributed to the problem.
Why is it important to know these distortions?
Knowing distortions is important because they cause errors in thinking, and thoughts are responsible for the emotions we experience. By knowing the cognitive distortions and transforming them into reality, we can regulate our thinking, and thus our emotions. If we could steer our thoughts on the right track, if we will be able to think objectively, then maybe we won't need to bang the punching bag to vent our anger out, because simply we will not experience anger.
Specialists say it is possible... hopefully, they know what they are saying.
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